I'm Baaaaaack.......

Traffic Tips for Anger Management

When getting behind the wheel of your luxury sedan, heed these little tidbits:

Never apply lipliner in the car.
Always put tiedowns in the back of the pickup.
Take a tip from a lesbian, don't loose the furniture, somebody needs to sit down.
There's always another excuse to go shopping.

The Spawning of Marsha

So how did Marsha get here? It all started at age 6 when my older sister Ellen Marie Jenkins put me in pigtails and asked me would you please be my little sister? After fluffing all the tissue flowers and jumping on the bed, she put my hair in pigtails so they would bounce and provide animation. Top it off with a curly blond wig, and a birthname, hence the spelling M-A-R-S-H-A. She introduced me to my birth mother Sara Ellen Jenkins as her girlfriend Marsha from school. Sara loved her immediately and was happy to share her wardrobe. Mother Sara insisted on strict catholic upbringing and we were in church every Sunday. I went to confession every lent and was confirmed Marsha Grace Jenkins. It's true, my gardian angel is a drag queen.

At age seven my biological grandmother Grace Olive Jenkins pulled me into her budoir to gaze into her private mirror. She told me that she knew my mother Sara Ellen Jenkins possessed great intuition. She then told me that she also possessed this same great intuition. She told me that she saw that I had it too. We were never close. Too much competition. I asked her as she handed me her rosary beads "What happened to your toenails?" As she took a drag from her Pall Mall 100 and she said "It's from all them years of high hills, darlin". That was just before my first pedicure. She then jumped into the swimming pool with the Pall Mall in her Sunday best to distract everyone from our conversation. There were a number of things that my biological mother required of me: Four years of formal music lessons, A separate credit card for dental work, private swimming lessons and private driving lessons, and moisurizer, of course.

To be continued . . . tune in next week. This has been the Traffic Report with head model Marsha Grace Jenkins.